“Slow down, Lie down, Remember it’s just you and me,”
In 2 days from now, the faith of the next 2 years of my life shall be determined.
I may get a break, I may not.
I have had a hard past 3 years. I struggled academically, I befriended people I shouldn’t have and learnt a great deal from it, I trusted those that I should have been wary about and learnt a lot about a culture that was foreign to me. All while surviving medschool. I also struggled with a myriad of health problems and
Again, whilst surviving medschool.
Moving to a different country, uprooting my life of 23 years, well, needless to say I didn’t have a clue as to how alarming the change could have been. Weather, food, family, friends, there were lots of changes. This was – and I didn’t realise at the time – the first taste of real life.
Everyone needs a little alone time to develop as their own person. Despite what others may think about how rough I’ve had it, the time has been good to me. I’ve learnt a lot about people, a lot about relationships and men, medicine in a foreign land, the big things that matter and the small things that really don’t. I’ve also nearly died and come back. I’ve learnt to love from afar and not rely on any man for emotional support or personal happiness. I’ve also learnt to not feel lost about losing control. There are just some things in life that you have no control over and you’ve got to let things be.
I could tweak a little things – like my weight. I’ve lost loads of weight which were brought on by my health problems which were really affecting me. I’ve just got one more size to go down to and then I shall be happy and just work at maintaining everything.
Recently, I’ve been feeling a bit broody, in need of my own nest, my partner and all sorts of other things. And then something just settled in which felt like a mixture of apathy but with a huge dollop of satisfaction. I began to get content with my life. I am happy. My health problems are diminishing, I’m nearly done with my degree, I’m doing what I love, I have an amazing family with wealth that makes things so much more easier for me in life that I take for granted, I am loved, I am liked, I am not in need of people to complete me.
There used to be days when I thought if my partner never called or texted, it meant he didn’t love me. I was always the type of girlfriend who loved the random phone call from my partner or some show of care into my daily routine. However, I’m in a relationship with someone who doesn’t quite follow the same consistency I would like things to go at. I used to get quite upset about it. And a younger me would have left ages ago. As it stands, my life is so satisfying that I have no need for a man’s affection or care. I don’t need him to look out for me or put a roof over my head. I am fine on my own and if the relationship messes up, I will be fine.
This may seem awfully pragmatic but is incredibly true.
And it all comes with being content with yourself. I am satisfied. I could lead this life alone. Maybe give some life to children in need of families. But I myself am not in need of emotional support anymore. I have my friends and my family. I used to rely heavily on my romantic relationships for emotional support but you know what? Not any more. Not in need of it.
It is an amazingly liberating feeling. And I encourage all women out there to think this way. Be happy with yourself. Isolate your weaknesses and strengths, work on them if they need work by your perspective and you will be happy with yourself, no matter what size, colour or shape you are.
There are some amazing things out there. In life, generally. There are unexplored emotions that surpass the boundaries of what we’re used to in our daily lives. There is kindness amidst the hate. There is love amidst the apathy.
I am lucky. I’ve experienced it all by the age of 26. I can only imagine what the next few years of my life will bring. A wealth of wisdom that I will be eager to impart, all about humankind.