“No I could never tell you where I’ve been,”

You need not have come to my lair
You do not know who you’ll find in there.
I sink my claws into the snow
For all that you’ve forgot in my passice show

For there’s a corner
Out amongst the white
Where someone is waiting
For you to arrive
And though you’re searching
For what you might never find
He’ll be there waiting
For all of your life.

I could not ignore the call of the night
To return to the haunt you would have me deny
No, I could never tell you where I had been.
For you could never answer them.

But there’s a corner
Out amongst the white
Where someone is waiting
For you to arrive
And the one you’re holding
Is not the one you left behind.
He’ll be there waiting
For all of your life.

And though our coats are all at one with the snow
I could not turn away from all I wish I did not know.

All I wish you had not shown.

Release

It is amazing to see what a relationship can survive these days.

When I was younger, I always thought that I would leave a relationship if my partner cheated on me. I swore that cheating was the worse possible sin ever in a romantic relationship and that I would leave my partner if he ever did that to me.

10 years later into my dating life, I see that it’s not quite as black and white as that. There are lots of shades of grey in morality that people don’t warn you about. And one bad deed could define your entire life of good deeds and kindness.

I also see that love isn’t necessarily the romantic spark that you experience with someone. There is lust and infatuation that makes you lose your head a little. I’ve fallen prey to that many a time. And then there’s the weird kind of love that keeps people together despite being utterly miserable with each other. It is a still a connection that bonds people together. And most of the time people can’t be rid of it because of the sheer volume of good and bad they’ve been through. No one else can ever know them that way.

I wish I could tell my children or anyone really that love is kind, simple, uncomplicated and forgiving. It is all that but it has a dark side to it as well. Twisted, if you like. Sometimes when you love someone so much, you’ve got to let them go for their own happiness. Sometimes people are trapped. Sometimes it’s confusing but something keeps you lingering. You probably will never know what it is.

The love I’ve always looked for was understanding someone and how they work. I am extremely taken when someone understands me quickly. It’s because I feel less alone. It’s nice knowing that there exists someone who thinks just like you and sees the world the way you do, you don’t feel like you’re on your own anymore.

This understanding-kinda-love, it bodes well for the deepest connection you can ever have with a person. If there was one sure thing I could say about love to someone else, it is this: If you get to experience this connection with someone at least once in your life time, count yourself the luckiest person ever. If you get as lucky to be able to make this person your life partner, man you’ve struck gold.

You’re always alone in this world, you are born and die alone. But when you meet the person that makes you realise how truly alone you were before meeting them, then you’ll know you’ve met the one or experienced this depth of love. It is overwhelming, intense, it causes you to lose your head and it claws at your heart when you’re faced with the idea of its loss, taking chunks of yourself with it.

I count myself lucky to have experienced this in my lifetime. This heart-rendering love that makes you feel that you can handle anything in life with this person. The pain of loss is unbearable but I am lucky to have been given the privilege of the experience and I will not trade it for anything else.

I will always love you. Pinky promise.

Morality

Some people are just plain good and some are evil.

But what about all those shades of grey in between?

I think I’m a shade of grey. Very light grey but grey nonetheless. But I think I’m in circles with some very dark people. People who have managed to hide the darkness all along and it slips out in bits.

I’m afraid of people like this. Because you don’t know what they’re waiting for or if they’re bidding time. Eventually this darkness has to come out. And when it does the destruction will be horrific.

My first instinct is to run away from these dark people.

But how do you run away from those you love?

Paradise circus

It’s when he holds you and kisses your forehead.

It’s when he tells you that you’re beautiful and you see yourself through his eyes.

And when you can do that and feel so good about yourself, you know you’re with the right person.

Oh, life. You’ve got such a sick sense of humour, haven’t you?

‘Now even rats will jump this ship,”

Well how do you do?
Put a kiss on the cheek
It’s been a while
So I’ll just beg, borrow
And steal all your time
We’ll call it dignified
Well now it all seems to be cut and dried
So I know which way to run
You’re tired, my love
I feel the same

Well take it from me
What else could you do?
Where do you get off?
And how can I get there, too?
All your time
We’ll call it dignified
Well now it all seems to be cut and dried
So I know which way to run
You’re tired, my love
I feel the same

You’ll never come back
My god, can’t you see that
I know which way to run
You’re tired, my love
I feel the same
The Lebanon won’t speak my name

Well everyone’s saying rise and shine
It might not be true and that’s just fine
‘Cause I know which way to run
You’re tired, my love
I feel the same
The Lebanon won’t speak my name
Now even rats will jump this ship
Just give me some piece of mind
‘Cause I…

“For you, I could work,”

How could you make me feel like this?

I thought this feeling was lost. I thought I was never due to find you in this lifetime.

I’ve spent my life searching. My own mother asked me a few years ago, what it was that I was searching for?

I knew I was searching for someone. I didn’t know it was you. I didn’t know that I would feel this complete with you.

We fit so perfectly with each other. I could never leave. Not now, not now that I’ve found you.

You’re the one. You’re finally here. Finally. Friend, lover, family, all in one.

And I’m scared.