It is amazing to see what a relationship can survive these days.
When I was younger, I always thought that I would leave a relationship if my partner cheated on me. I swore that cheating was the worse possible sin ever in a romantic relationship and that I would leave my partner if he ever did that to me.
10 years later into my dating life, I see that it’s not quite as black and white as that. There are lots of shades of grey in morality that people don’t warn you about. And one bad deed could define your entire life of good deeds and kindness.
I also see that love isn’t necessarily the romantic spark that you experience with someone. There is lust and infatuation that makes you lose your head a little. I’ve fallen prey to that many a time. And then there’s the weird kind of love that keeps people together despite being utterly miserable with each other. It is a still a connection that bonds people together. And most of the time people can’t be rid of it because of the sheer volume of good and bad they’ve been through. No one else can ever know them that way.
I wish I could tell my children or anyone really that love is kind, simple, uncomplicated and forgiving. It is all that but it has a dark side to it as well. Twisted, if you like. Sometimes when you love someone so much, you’ve got to let them go for their own happiness. Sometimes people are trapped. Sometimes it’s confusing but something keeps you lingering. You probably will never know what it is.
The love I’ve always looked for was understanding someone and how they work. I am extremely taken when someone understands me quickly. It’s because I feel less alone. It’s nice knowing that there exists someone who thinks just like you and sees the world the way you do, you don’t feel like you’re on your own anymore.
This understanding-kinda-love, it bodes well for the deepest connection you can ever have with a person. If there was one sure thing I could say about love to someone else, it is this: If you get to experience this connection with someone at least once in your life time, count yourself the luckiest person ever. If you get as lucky to be able to make this person your life partner, man you’ve struck gold.
You’re always alone in this world, you are born and die alone. But when you meet the person that makes you realise how truly alone you were before meeting them, then you’ll know you’ve met the one or experienced this depth of love. It is overwhelming, intense, it causes you to lose your head and it claws at your heart when you’re faced with the idea of its loss, taking chunks of yourself with it.
I count myself lucky to have experienced this in my lifetime. This heart-rendering love that makes you feel that you can handle anything in life with this person. The pain of loss is unbearable but I am lucky to have been given the privilege of the experience and I will not trade it for anything else.
I will always love you. Pinky promise.